Varya Kozhevnikova, Russia
In my youth, I was sure that sex is a necessary for entering adulthood. I got rid of my virginity as from an obstacle. Now I think that the first sex is an important happening and it seems I’d like to replay it. To reduce my anxiety, I began to collect other women’s stories about their loss of virginity and turned it into a project. After listening to stories, I realized that I don’t want to take just a portrait, I want to make an ideal photo. I created poses for each woman. My need for perfection got to the point of absurdity: I tried poses on myself or on assistant before shooting, doing a lot of shots for choosing the one. Any deviation from the script oppressed me. At the end of filming I’ve combined their ideal portraits with my rehearsals. I’ve seen how visual series is becoming a form of control over the memory, the image and over the fear of making a mistake. And my trying to relive someone’s memory acquired the ironic image of a person with obsessive compulsive disorder.